Friday, November 12, 2010

Adventuring Alone

This has been a hard week, for reasons I'm not 100% ready to share with even my small blog reading public. It's not any one thing, it's a mish-mash of let-downs, misunderstandings and failures, many engineered with my own mind and my own two hands. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with, however.

Luckily I can always count on that solo ride, run or long walk to help clear my mind and gain some focus when I'm feeling particularly unsure about the future. I think there will be quite a bit of riding and running taking place over the next several weeks as I try to sift through all that has happened, figure out if I can make the proper adjustments, and decide if, indeed, it is in my best interest to make those adjustments.

I do know that all that has happened prompted me to think about the adventures before me. Some fully formed, some in the very beginning planning stages. And it's made me see that some of the adventures I thought I'd be embarking in with others might, in fact, have to be solo endeavors.

I've never particularly minded being alone. I even greatly enjoy the long solo training rides and runs that pair me with headphones and iPod, taking on each step, each pedal stroke with only a bass line or drum beat acting as conversation. But, I'd set my sights on some shared adventuring, which I'm no longer sure will come to pass. And I admit that realization, that sense that some of it might not come to fruition is saddening, maddening and even heartbreaking.

But, in almost 40 years of living, I have dealt with much worse. This is a mere blip on a screen that encompasses all I am and all I will be. And I'm too stubborn, even pigheaded, to think that I can't adventure on my own. Because I can. And I will. And I'll be better for it.

Thanks for reading this rather cryptic post. I certainly helped me to write it, even though I'm still unsure what has all come to pass and I'm still more unsure about what lies ahead. Perhaps someone out there, reading this, is feeling the same, and this might help. Who knows.

Stuff about bikes, vegetable fears and maybe even crochet and craft paint coming in future posts, I promise.

Have a lovely weekend...

1 comments:

Carey said...

Mallie,

You will come out the other side stronger for it. These obstacles challenge our very being and make us who we are. Hang in there! You are tougher than you think.

Carey

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